nelliemuller said:

Do you think parents should teach their children to leave home? After all, isn’t love about letting go?

Tatjana said:

Yes!!

Tatjana said:

No!! I read “above” instead of “about”. So, no!!! Love is above letting go :))) I will explain later …

nelliemuller said:

Tatjana,

Please explain what you mean. You got me curious.

Peter Blomert said:

Let me change the question just a little bit:

Should children be able to leave home and live their own life?

The question framed this way the answer is apparently and (for me) undoubtedly yes.

But do parents have to teach their children to leave home – I don’t think so:

As long as parents help their children to live up to their full potential, the children will gain self-confidence enough that their wish to explore life and the world will not be hindered by anxiety or low self-esteem to leave home, when it will be needed to live for themselves!

I think, children leaving home is the most natural way of life.

I think children staying home too long are either self-deprecated persons or feel unconsciously indebted to their parents unexpressed needs to hold their children close.

You don’t have to teach your children to leave home, just let them go when the times come.

“You can’t have anything unless you let go of it. You only get to keep what you give away.” (Sheldon B. Kopp)

Tatjana said in response to:

Nellie, of course and with Peter, children do grow and/to leave their parents! This is natural, must be. If not I would assume a family disfunction … My “no!” means that I as a mother stay mother till I die.
I want this emphase, because I cannot express this less emotional.
I want to distinct the different natures of being a child and being father/mother.
The going, the getting independent is the child´s nature, `job´, activity, vitality. So there is no need for kicking them out or `helping´ them `softly´ leaving us, like often recommended, which I regard as harmful and counterproductive.
If we stay father/mother in attitude and activities – in our hearts we are anyway – the child will leave of his/her own! Like Peter said above.
So I will always offer homing (under one or two roofs, as we discussed in the Living apart, parenting together-discussion), feeding and attention as I did from the beginning …
And/But right this will un/fortunately cause the child´s leaving me! A functional phase in the family´s co-evolution (Stierlin).
Fortunately children let us parents learn to survive the day of baby´s moving out ... about 18 years time for this learning … :)
The other aspect, even attitude or side of the ambivalence (Simon) is my parental proud of my growing/grown-up child!
Last but not least, as my child´s partner I will support him exploring the world, which is un/fortunatly far behind Mama´s edge of plate/Tellerrand ;).
Ambivalence, again! Therefore better mother/father forever! :)