179 strategies of being a SPECIAL MUM

Community

Parenting

179 strategies of being a SPECIAL MUM

Author: Poshmonkey

179 STRATEGIES OF BEING A SPECIAL MUM-FOR CAREER WOMEN

Get ideas on how to strengthen the bond with your child

This lesson I would like to dedicate to my wonderful mom Stefanie and my adorable 10-months-old daugther Sabine.

Eat healthy food during pregnancy, so that you allow your child the healthiest possible start before s/he is even born.
Breastfeed your baby. It helps your baby in the following way: it protects from infection, the baby will be less vulnerable to coughs and colds, helps to avoid constipation, less likely to cause stomach upsets or diarrhoea, less likely to get allergies like eczema. Research has also shown that breastfed babies are smarter than bottle-fed babies.
Make sure you always have a photo/film camera at hand so that you can take pictures or make movies to remember special moments.
Keep a picture of your child in your wallet (and as a wallpaper on your mobile phone). Your spouse should do the same!
If you leave home for some time without your kids, make sure on each day they have a little treat they can open always on a particular time.
Let them decide how they want to furnish their own room.
Encourage your child to play an instrument or get involved in a sport they like and not in something you like them to do, in order to fulfil your dreams .
Whatever s/he makes for you keep it in a nice box with all her/his special things or presents.
Wake her/him up with a fruit juice and read her/him a story if time allows.
Teach good personal hygiene, table manners and speech in the home, not on the street.
Involve yourself in her/his life by asking open-ended questions, such as "Did anything good happen to you today?"
When your child feels particularly tired or sick pet her/him on the forehead.
Leave a message in every lunch box s/he takes to school. You could also make a drawing on a paper bag if you don't have a plastic box.
Look often into your child's eyes and make him/her smile.
If you travel by car don't switch on the radio, instead have a chat with him/her.
Make your child's phone list by adding photos next to each person's phone number. Drawings could also be okay if there are no pictures present. Teach your child to memorise the emergency phone number. Remind them to use them in an emergency only.
Hold her/his hand while walking.
Get a box in which you put all handicraft material, such as scissors, tape, rope, colours, paper, glue etc.
Laugh about her/his jokes, even though they might sound old and not that funny.
Play together on the beach and create sand castles.
Make sure your kid has a spot of her/his own, a seat,room,desk, cubby hole or whatever. It makes her/him feel special and powerful. It doesn't have to be expensive, big or separately built.
Teach them math on a daily basis, e.g. going to the supermarket and letting them collect 7 bananas, 5 carrots, etc. asking them to count body parts of animals, etc.
Put your child ahead of your own needs and desires.
Call her/him just to say "I love you".
Agree a particular time in which you send each other love messages via mobile phone. Let her/him know how you felt about it afterwards.
Teach them to be responsible, respectful and compassionate people.
Make sure you know your kid well, what s/he likes, what s/he dislikes, what s/he is good at, what s/he prefers etc.
Let her finish the sentence: "I'm great when ………………e.g. I play the guitar."
When you are reading stories let her/him turn the page.
Get a subscription to a particular event, e.g. for movies, theatre etc.
Supervise her/his homework.
Invest your time, energy, effort and part of yourself.
Forget the TV, instead go out to the park and play games.
Remind your child day in and day out of how you feel about him/her.
Instead of saying: "I've told you!" say: I understand you." or "The same happened to me too once." or "I know that it's tough for you."
Give a lot of physical contact in form of kisses, hugs, cuddles.
Have a coffee (hot chocolate) break together in the afternoon and chit-chat.
If she takes part at an organised holiday send a letter, card or magazine to the place where s/he stays beforehand. So s/he will have post from day one!
Allow both of you once in a while to spend time together by just lazing around and not doing anything.
Tell him/her about your work. Give her/him something so that s/he feels being part of it.
Teach her/him how to set their own appointments with hairdresser, doctor, dentist etc. In this way they learn early how to be responsible and become more independent as time goes by.
Regardless of how wrong something goes or turns out, always show your love for your kid.
Have a notice board in your house and put all important things on it, such as a to do list, pictures, praising words for work done etc.
If your child is injured kiss that particular part of the body.
Buy a scratch card and let her/him decide about the numbers in the lotto.
Don't get offended and hurt because your child doesn't share your interests and goals.
Teach them not to fear failure but to accept it and learn from it.
Encourage your kid to interact with existing toys in different ways instead of buying always new expensive ones.
Children want love, time and attention. Enjoy your children while they're young, because you'll never again have this time with them.
Get a t-shirt printed with her/his name on it and wear it.
Equip her/him with confidence and help her/him to develop a positive self-image.
Go the extra mile to ensure a higher quality of life for your kid.
If you prepare a drink, try to decorate it with some pieces of fruit, so that it looks like a great cocktail.
Encourage her/him to keep in touch with relatives, by calling them on the phone, writing them, meeting them, sending thank you notes.
Make a mental note each time your child shares with you a preference or desire. Then go out and do or get exactly what she wants when she/her least expects it.
Greet him/her always with kisses and hugs.
Take her/him to the zoo, to a train journey, to the circus, theatre, etc.
Don't destroy your child's hopes, instead encourage ……
Cuddle with her/him a bit and put her/him on your lap. Have a nice chat or discuss something. Spend a bit some time with her/him.
Organise a battle with pillows or water guns. Have just fun!
Teach her/him by example.
Don't demand perfection. Nobody is perfect.
Improve their self-esteem and confidence.
Encourage her/him to set high but realistic goals.
Tell your child regularly that you love her/him.
On a special occasion prepare a candle light dinner and let decide her/him on the menu.
Once in a while surprise her/him with a plate of snacks on the table should s/he come back and you have not returned yet.
Promise her to triple the amount of money s/he was able to save in six months' time.
Don't forget to tell her the story of her birth on each of her/his birthdays.
Decide on a particular day during the week to do something special with her/him. Let her/him decide what to do.
Teach the value of saving money at a young age, otherwise s/he might develop a money management problem.
Encourage your child in whatever interests her/him, even if you think it's uninteresting or a waste of time.
Instead of shouting at her/him, ask what you could do in order to make them change their behaviour/attitude.
Keep a travel diary. Note down all the things you did, comments of your kids made, any funny or interesting event. Add some pictures so that you can relive the experience many years later too.
Don't' make fun of her/his feelings or insecurities.
Show that you are impressed by something s/he did particularly well.
Buy balloons and write on them "Well done!" to celebrate a particular positive outcome.
Look through a cook book and decide which new recipe you are going to try. Or create a new one and give it a name.
Listen to some music together, be it in bed or on the floor.
When your kid jumps around on the street do it together, no matter how silly you might look in doing it.
When the first thunder occurs, hug her/him strongly so that s/he doesn't feel scared anymore.
Never criticize your kid in front of others or allow anyone else to do it either.
Listen always carefully what your child has to say, no matter whether you are in the middle of doing something or not. It shows that you are really interested in hearing what s/he has to say.
Play, laugh, teach, tickle, hug, hold, spend gentle time together telling stories or singing songs to her/him. Tell her/him how great s/he is.
If you think you said something wrong to him/her, don't hesitate to apologise.
Make sure s/he gets familiar with general well-known board games.
Frame his/her art work and decorate your home's walls with them.
Make sure your mood is good. Your mood also affects the entire household. Your mood will often set the tone for the atmosphere in the house.
Pay for a comic or other kid's magazines subscription, so that you encourage reading at an early age.
When s/he falls asleep on a couch, cover her/him with a duvet.
If something important takes place at school, e.g. a class play, an exam etc. remember to ask how it went.
Praise your child for accomplishments and for efforts. Be specific (don't just say "you're great!). Consider other choices of words. Example: You never stop surprising me! You always teach me something you! You give me a lot of joy! I'm really a lucky mum! Really impressive what you did!
Place your kid in homeschooling, pools and events where they can interact with other kids. They offer a variety of activities.
Spend quality time with them. Sitting in front of TV or PC doesn't mean that you are raising them.
Help her/him to find her/his talents and give advice what career s/he could pursue.
Allow her/him to wear whatever they want so that s/he feels comfortable with her/his appearance.
Cook together. Create your own version of pizza. Buy the flour and mix and match various ingredients.
Choose toys with an educational value. Reading, writing, and counting proficiency requires certain basic skills that your child will acquire through building and construction toys, playing with puzzles and jigsaws, and matching colours, shape and textures.
If you go for shopping, take out an additional 30 minutes to stop at a park or playground to play with her/him.
Teach your child to make her/his own decisions and take responsibility for their own mistakes and successes.
On her/his birthday take measurement of her/his height and sign it with a mark on the wall.
Make sure you are present at each school or sport event in which s/he takes part. S/he will always remember when you have not been there.
Create a family album/diary in which everyone can write in some thoughts, memories or funny days spent together. This will be a nice memory for later on.
Pick up some flowers and let her create a nice flower bouquet.
Go with her for cycling, swimming, walking, running etc. in order to get her/him spuds off the couch, into action and having fun.
Teach her/him things like cleaning up afterwards, replacing toilet rolls, putting toys away before bedtime, feed cat or dog, set the table, drying dishes, etc. Always do it in a spirit of enjoyment and co-operation. This teaches your kid responsibility, trust, being prompt, caring about others as well as her/himself.
Make practical activities which can help your child develop his creativity and imagination. For example, making toys, painting, dressing up etc.
After taking a bath or shower cover her/him with a cosy towel and give her/him a hug.
Prepare a box in which you can put clothes and accessories in it to have a "fancy dress" day.
Tell your child stories from your own childhood and how you were used to do things. It reminds them that you also were a kid.
Don't call your child names such as "lazy", "big" etc.
Allow them to invite her/his friends and organise some parties offering fruit juices and snacks. This let's you know what they do and where they are.
Never promise something you already know you can't keep.
Take initiative in teaching your kid about sex. Don't rely on someone else to teach your kids about it. You may feel uncomfortable talking about taboo subject with your kids but it's a discomfort you'll have to get over. You surely don't want them to get pregnant and having abortion.
Make a collection of things s/he enjoys. For example, coins, stamps, dolls, etc. …….
Never spank your child out of anger. Never use your hands. Hands are for embracing, not for spanking. Always maintain control.
Take the time to play with your kid regardless of her/his age.
Teach them: politeness, courtesy, table manners and respect for adults and authority figures - because this behaviour will determine their behaviour outside of the home.
Teach them to have aims and show how to achieve them.
Have a picnic, prepare the basket and make sandwich.
Never hit your child.
When you are doing something together, for example de-cluttering the cellar or moving house, give her/him once in a while a spontaneous kiss on her/his forehead.
Read to your child, for example before putting her/him to sleep, also read the newspaper together in the morning.
Teach your child to laugh at her/his own mistakes. S/He will learn that life is not always so serious.
When you need to go to a doctor/dentist etc. take her along and let her/him observe how you are being examined/checked by a dentist.
Sit down and talk to her/him about the kind of spouse they desire and the qualifications they should look for in a spouse.
Go out with her/him alone - without other adults or siblings, for a pizza, to the cinema or whatever.
Use her/his name often to bolster her/his sense of identity.
If s/he forgets saying "thank you" to someone, just say quickly "Thanks from both of us." Never correct her in front of others.
Learn her/him to concentrate, e.g. by reading longer stories or playing board games that take time and patience.
Write a poem, song or story for him/her, starting with her first name.
Be an authoritative figure who gives her/him structure, stability and discipline.
Nurture in your kid the confidence, trust, motivation, space, optimism, and self-determination that s/he may develop her/his own aspirations.
Teach her/him life skills so s/he will know how to function in the real world, e.g. how to manage money, change a tire and be a savy shopper.
Teach them a sense of value when it comes to money matters. Give her/him little money to spend on their own. Encourage counting, figuring out what he/she most wants, waits and saves, and understanding why parents go to work.
Don't criticise what your child did bad, instead criticise the bad act.
When you leave home for some days make sure there are some love messages or treats spread across the house in hidden places, so that s/he knows that you think and love her/him.
Don't comment only on bad behaviour and don't take good behaviour for granted.
Write birthday letters.
Arrange a special outing as a treat.
Give a smile and a nod from a distance when s/he is leaving home.
Have family meals to encourage conversation and friendly banter.
Don't protect your child from every nuance of disapproval or disappointment.
Never use sarcasm. It just confuses and humilates. If you give praise don't downgrade it at the same time. So don't say: "Your room looks great now, but it won't stay like this for very long - you'll see!"
Share a hobby or go to a sports match together. This will increase the likelihood that they will share their worries with you and seek your advice.
On a rainy day spend some time in the bed together or go out for a walk equipped with raincoat and umbrella.
Teach your child positive self-statement. As soon as you discover that s/he says something like "I can't do anything right", "I'm so stupid" etc. correct her/him by restating the comment in a more positive way. You could say, e.g. "You made a mistake this time but next time you will get it right!"
Look out for her/him when s/he is doing something nice and make compliments afterwards.
Replace words such as "good" with "clever, thoughtful, creative, organised, helpful".
If there are other siblings in your family make sure you show joy in each of your children's personalities, pleasures and various milestones.
Make sure that love you give to your child is not measured by price-tags.
Don't compare her/him with other siblings or with how you have been as a kid. Never say "Why can't you be an excellent student like your sister/brother or like I was?"
Give her feedback so s/he can see the progress made.
If you have to leave the house frequently make sure your child understands certain rituals and routines that s/he learns to predict and trust your love despite your absence.
Be particularly supportive of creativity through which she is exploring and expressing her difference.
Offer a special reward if s/he is able to reach the age of 20 without smoking.
Don't exaggerate. The more toys ad goodies your kid possesses, the more difficult it will become to please her/him in simple ways.
Don't replace always toys with time. A child might appreciate it more if you have the time to talk ho her/him and discuss with her rather than being silenced with a gadget or other time. So, make one-to-one time always special. Money should never matter more than time!
If you take her/him with you to visit friends, make her/him feel involved in the group rather than left over.
Teach your kid to praise her own kids too.
Give her/him a pat on the back or a thumbs up. Sometimes you just need the right gesture in the right moment.
Help to take the shame out of any failure and clarify the lesson to be learned.
When s/he gives you affection make sure you reciprocate.
Encourage her to face her fears, and not to run from them.
If you spend a lot of time away from home, make sure s/he knows that you keep her in mind. Phone her, send a sms message.
Add some love messages every day in her lunch box so that s/he knows that you love her and keep her in mind throughout the day.
Accept her/him unconditionally for who s/he is.
Help her/him to enrol in the most suitable study course.
Be interested but don't be too inquisitive and judgemental about each day's events.
Ask casually about marks gained.
Remind her/him of past successes so s/he can think positively and believe in her/himself.
Find out the reasons behind "late, lost or poor work".
Let other people know about your kid's success.
Don't get upset by mess when s/he is experiencing or creating.
Make clear that they don't think that success would be the only way to maintain your love.
Share with her/him the most important days in her life: the first school day, graduation day, marriage, birth of her own child, etc.
Encourage self-direction. Don't try to solve every problem for her/him and become overprotective.
Show her/him that it is not good to be perfect, and that every experience, including every setback, is an important stepping stone in learning and growing.
For fathers: As a father of a daughter you should take your daughter out of town. Show her how a man should treat a lady. Pay for everything and be courteous to her. Help her with her coat, open doors for hers. Use your best manners so she'll know what to expect.